This is my Church

Posted on January 9, 2021 by Jill English Johnston

I walked through the wood on a winter day. A pleasant day. A pleasant path. Hints of green winter grass poked up amongst the brown. Some of the trees sported bare branches. Some did not. Some trees designed to keep their leaves. Some not, instead waiting for the new growth of spring.

 

I noticed some hints of trouble as I walked. Broken trees. Fallen trees. Amidst the many whole. Curious. How strange, I thought. I wonder why.

 

 

And I came upon a field. A field peppered with tree stumps. Some with just the branches broken off. Some with much broken off. Some entirely toppled. Some cut down. Some still standing. Some younger new growth. But mostly I saw twisted, broken, dead.

 

I paused and pondered. Maybe a fire. Or a windstorm. Maybe a disease in their roots. Or possibly a drought.

So I asked. Jesus, what happened here?

This, he said. Is my church.

I paused. Your church, I asked? Is this what you see, Jesus?

He let me move from pause and return to pondering.

Is this what we have wrought, I thought? I this what we are doing to our people? His people? We’ve created a field of brokenness?

In the summer, it probably looks different. Leaves covering the broken, save for the severely damaged. But now, in the winter season, the broken are all too easily seen.

Is this true of your church, Jesus?

In times of prosperity, when things are going well, we don’t see the broken people, the hurting people, save for the severely damaged. But when difficulty comes, when times are hard, the truth is all too evident.

Is this what we do with our wounded, Jesus?

Some of the damaged trees were covered in vines. Do we try to pretty up broken people with other leaves on the outside, rather than cultivating life and healing within?

 

 

Some of the damaged trees still stood tall next to healthy trees. Do our wounded try to stand tall, to put on a brave front, to look like they’re fine?

 

In the storms, during the difficult seasons, have we have let the weak and vulnerable become more broken?

 

 

Like new growth growing among the broken, have we kept our focus there, delighting in the new life, but forgetting about the hurting?

 

Have we, like one with a chainsaw, cut down the ones we thought unworthy or broken or dead and left them to rot away?

 

 

I continued walking and came to another place. A place where young live oaks grew and flourished.

There are places, Jesus said. Where my church takes care of the broken, the needy, the hurting, the outcast. Other nations where my church grows and is filled with life because it gives life.

But not here, I asked?

No, not here, he said.

Jesus, forgive us.

So, I’m going to camp here for a bit, too.

Because my heart, like the trees, is breaking for what we have wrought.

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When God Closes a Door

Posted on January 6, 2021 by Jill English Johnston

The door is closed. You thought it was open. That you’d be going through. You were excited about what was on the other side. Then suddenly, it slams in your face.

You stand and stare at it for a long time. Frustrated. Struggling with the reason. Even a angry at the ones who slammed it shut.

In Acts 16, Paul attempted to spread the gospel in parts of Asia and Turkey, only to have the way blocked (“the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them” it says). NT Wright says of this, “…weeks of wandering and walking, of wondering and praying…”

When the door slams shut, in can feel like that. Wandering. Walking. Wondering. Waiting. Why am I here? Why have I bothered? I thought I was supposed to be here and do this thing. So now what?

There’s more to Paul’s story. But I’m going to camp here for now. Because it’s where I’m at. Like Paul and his companions and the lengthy trek across the continent. Not sure what’s up. Frustrated. Struggling. And praying. Hoping that that I, too, get a clearer vision of where to go next.

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Restart with Whole30

Posted on January 3, 2021 by Jill English Johnston

Sunday January 3rd. Day 2 of our restart.

Not bad. A little confession. I still have some of my coffee creamer (Bliss) left over. But I’m only putting a tablespoon in a 12 ounce cup. Two cups in the morning. And when it’s gone I’m switching to coconut milk. After the holidays, that’s a minuscule amount of sugar.

It has been a challenge not reaching for those Christmas chocolates. Or eating Christmas cookies. But my dislike of needles makes me want to get that sugar beast under control.

When I start feeling deprived, I remind myself I am not. I still get to eat a full plate of food at meal time. I can still have snacks. I’m just changing the choices I make. One thing’s for sure, I’m not going hungry.

We got this. But I’ll get back with you when carb fever sets in.

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Revisiting Whole 30: Needing a Restart

Posted on January 1, 2021 by Jill English Johnston

Six years ago, Jon and I tried the Whole30 program. If you’d like to read about that initial experience, you can start the series here.

Whole30 is more than just a weight loss program (although it did wonders for both of us). It aims to eliminate problematic foods from the diet for 21 days (to give the body opportunity to cleanse from their effects) and then slowly reintroduce the different food types to identify any issues one’s body might have with them.

Since our first round of Whole30, we’ve done a few versions of it. The problem is we never stick with it. Somehow too many carbs, too much cheese, too many sweets, work their way back into our regular diet.

Wanting a reset from the insanity of 2020, we’ve decided this would be a good way to restart. From our experiences in the past, we knew we’d need to go big or go home. So. Here we go.

While we don’t have any serious issues with food (other than liking it too much), the program provides a means for us to be serious about seriously eating healthy. What I love about Whole30 is that encourages vegetables. The more nutrient-dense, the better.

In my youth, I wouldn’t have been able to survive this. Because I was a picky eater. My don’t like list was miles long. But having married an incredible cook, my don’t like list is dwindled down to about half a page. Even brussels sprouts can be delish when prepared the right way!

The Whole30 book provides a bunch of great recipes so we don’t get bored. And if we need more, a quick google or search on Pinterest provides more than enough for the month ahead.

I wrote down a list of various minor ailments that bother me and I’m expecting to see some improvement in them. Things like occasional joint pain, restless legs, heartburn, bloatedness. I’ve suspected starches to be a culprit for heartburn for me. And sugar, of course, causes inflammation. I really hope I discover the cause of the restless legs.

The first week will be tough. Giving up my diet DP and then pushing through the carb fever that lasts for days. What’s carb fever, you ask? Check out the book, It Starts with Food. It’ll explain it.

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Christmas Creations

Posted on December 30, 2020 by Jill English Johnston

This Christmas has been a difficult one for so many. We can’t celebrate with the many parties, events, and festivities we usually participate in. Our gatherings are smaller, if at all.   And we look ahead to the new year with a wary eye, not trusting what it holds.

My Christmas season held many blessings but it has been filled with much wrestling. A beautiful, artsy friend has taught me the practice of creating while listening. (If you’d like to learn more about her and her art ministry, please visit Created) While my creating isn’t quite on the level of hers (I’m more of a crafter than an artist), the practice provides the same result: letting one’s heart and mind explore outside the confines of boxes and explanations.

My daughter had purchased some simple round wood ornaments that we were supposed to decorate with my granddaughters. Time eluded us and we didn’t have a chance, but I snagged a pile of them.

Confession: I’ve always been reluctant to throw away all the beautiful Christmas cards I receive (yes, there are people who still send them and I am one of them). I have a stack from over the years, including the ones my dad received the Christmas before he passed away.

So, combining the wood ornaments, the Christmas cards, and a bottle of modge podge and I created:

They can be used as ornaments or as gift tags. And along with that thought, I still had plenty of Christmas cards that didn’t quite fit on the size of the ornaments. Going with the theme of gift tags, I created:

And I still have a pile to finish and a handful more cards to use, not including the new ones I received this year:

When my mom was alive and in and out of the hospital, I crafted a binder to keep all the get well cards she received, which I still have. I also have many of the sympathy cards dad received after she passed away as well as the ones my sister and I received after he passed away. (While you might think I have a card hoarding problem, I like to think of them as art waiting to happen).  My thought is that they might make some beautiful book marks to include with the encouragement cards I’ve been sending to those who have been isolated because of the pandemic. A little something to brighten someone’s day.

Did creating help me in the wrestling and the listening? Many of the questions and frustrations are still there and clear answers have not appeared, but I have found my head and my heart to be better spaces to deal with them. So, in that sense, yes.

Still have that stack of Christmas cards? Don’t throw them away. Get creative and clear out your head and heart space. And be sure to drop me a note or a picture on what you created.

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