“For most of us prayer serves as a resource to help in a time of testing or conflict.  For Jesus, it was the battle itself.”
Philip Yancey, Prayer; Does it Make any Difference?

I have looked at prayer as a means to get what I want.
Relationship with the Father
healing for sick family/friends
Salvation for those I love who don’t know the Lord
Help in struggles
Desires of my heart
Provision for me and for others
Answers to questions

But what if there’s more? I can almost grasp it, but can’t quite
The battle. The struggle.
I want healings like Jesus promised and the early church experienced
I want to see thousands to come to know the Lord.
I want to see the gates of hell crumble.
I want victory.

Yet, as Jesus prayed, his victory did not look like a victory at all.
It looked like defeat. The end.

As I struggle with prayer, I wonder.

Jesus prayed, and the Father’s will was so different from how I would have done it.

A friend of mine, who recently purchased a lovely home, told me about a comment an acquaintance  made.
While touring their new home, the acquaintance said how much he would love to have what they have.
Her husband said later, but what we have comes with everything we have gone through. Would he be willing to have the whole package?
You see, in the years preceding, the couple had walked a very difficult path, and even now, they still have difficulties. His health had taken a life threatening turn for the worse and required surgery and a long healing process. And she still struggles with undiagnosed problems resulting in chronic pain.
Would this acquaintance desire the house if he had to walk what they walked in order to get it?

So, too, I want the healings, the conversions, the great victories, but am I willing to walk what my Rabbi walked? Or his followers?
Or do I want it within the context of my comforts and pleasures?

I say, yes Lord, I want more of you.
But please, temper the pain, the struggles, protect me and those I love, and diminish the enemy’s attacks.

I say, yes Lord, I want more of you.
But am I willing to say, Lord, thy will be done?

I wonder.

“…I fall back on the promise that Jesus prayed for me… not that I would never face testing, nor ever fail, but that in the end I will allow God to use the testing and failure to mold me into someone more useful to the kingdom, someone more like Jesus.”
Philip Yancey Prayer; Does it Make any Difference?”