Prayer; a journey

Posted on February 3, 2013 by Jill English Johnston

This year, I feel the Lord leading me on a journey, a pathway of sorts, a focus on prayer.

Of course, as a believer in God and a follower of Jesus, it should seem natural that prayer would be the focus.  After all, how can I have an ongoing relationship with the Father, if I am not spending time with Him.  Unfortunately, that’s not always the case, is it?

But, what is prayer? Really?  What is it all about?  How do I pray?  Is there only one way to pray?  Or are there different ways to pray?  What is prayer not supposed to be? What is prayer for?  What should I expect when I pray? What should I not expect when I pray?

On this journey, I am doing a several of things.  The first, of course, is actually praying.  A habit I have already developed, I will continue to intentionally set aside time each day to talk with my Father.  I can’t learn if I don’t do.  Thankfully, I have had some incredible and mature Christians in my life over the years who have taught me what they know about prayer and I have always sought to put their lessons into practice.  I also have some neat opportunities to join others in prayer.  It is quite incredible to join others in a conversation with the Creator of the universe.

Second, I am focusing my reading to books on Prayer this year. My goal would be one a month. I already have at least a half a dozen picked out.  As I read them, I plan to post the quotes that jump out at me under my book section.  I have already started; for the first book, I’m reading Power Through Prayer by EM Bounds.  After I finish the book, I’ll add my thoughts and my own specific take aways.

And lastly, but definitely not least,  I will continue to read His Word.  I want to read and reread the gospels, watching closely to what Jesus did, when He prayed, how He prayed, and what he taught others to do.  The Psalms are also great prayers to dig into.  The writers cried out from the depths of their hearts and allowed God to enter in.  Of course, I can’t forget to look at the examples of prayers throughout the Old Testament and New Testament.  Paul, in his letters, told those he cared about specifically what he was praying for them.

What is actually kind of cool, especially since I didn’t know about it until after I made my prayer focus commitment for the year, is that the pastor at the church we attend has started, this Sunday, a fifteen week series on prayer.  Amazing.  Coincidence?  I think not.

You can join me, if you’d like, on this journey, this pathway, this year of focusing on prayer.

Posted in Featured Books | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Why I Write (and Why I Don’t)

Posted on September 10, 2012 by Jill English Johnston

Having finished my revisit with The Creative Call by Janice Elsheimer, I have now picked up Writing Creative Nonfiction edited by Carolyn Forche and Philip Gerald.  It is a composite of essays of over thirty creative nonfiction writers.  The first time I picked it up, I started working through the exercises that accompanied the essays.  Unfortunately, I only made it through the first few.  I am now considering starting again and see if I might get farther.

As I toy with this task of writing, I seek permission to indulge and divulge.  As I flirt with the thought of creating, I request the freedom to wander and explore.   As I chase down this dream, this idea, this thought, I humbly acknowledge the license and latitude I take.  Therefore, I submit the following:

Nine years ago I answered the question “Why I write.”

“I write as one who walks on the surface of a frozen river beginning to melt.”
Terry Tempest Williams

I write out of fear that if I do not, I will cease to exist.
I write in hopes that somehow in someway, I might have something important to share.
I write in hopes that I might be someone important.  Isn’t that what we all long for, to be important to someone.  To know that their world is made just a little bit (or maybe a lot) better because of us.
I write to bring into submission all the joy, all the frustration, all the passion, all the anger, all the longing, all that threatens to consume me, so I will not be consumed.
I write to exist.
I write to feel.
I write to allow my very being to take form and live.
I write because it is as necessary to my soul as breathing is to my body.
I write to capture the world in words as a child captures fireflies in a jar.
I write to soar on the wings of eagles to heights only dreamed of, to touch the stars, to see beyond the rainbow, to dance across the ocean waters, to touch distant shores.
I write to see what cannot be seen.
I write to reveal what is hidden.
I write from the ache in my heart.
I write from the depths of joy in my soul.
I write from darkness not unlike deep shadowy pools in shaded forest glades.
I write from a soul awash with pure joy as a cool waterfall in the warm summer sun.
I write from a passion that burns like a forest fire consuming all that each flame touches.
I write to hope.  I write to dream.  I write to remember.  I write to live.
I write to articulate my thoughts in hopes to untangle the confusion within.
I write in hopes of discovering who I am.
I write in hopes of discovering who others are.
I write because I am enamored with the romance of words, wooed into the seductive way they arouse passion, beguiled and obsessed with the excitement and delight they bring.  Words tease the reader, play with the heart, whisper promises, entice like a lover.
I write as if crying out to be understood.
I write to understand.
I write because when I write, I am me.
I write because when I write I am whoever I desire to be.

Today, I again answer the question “Why I write.”

“I write out of fear that if I do not, I will cease to exist.”
Jill Johnston

Why do I write today?
Why do I want to write?
Why don’t I write?

I write because the sun shines and the breeze blows.
I write because the mountains are covered with snow and it makes the world silent.
I write because there are waterfalls and the world is filled with their roar.
I write because there is birth and children, families and love.
I write because there is music and art and dance and poetry.

I want to write for the sun and breeze.
I want to write for the mountains and snow.
I want to write for the waterfalls.
I want to write for the children and families and love.
I want to write for the music, art, dance and poetry.

I don’t write because the darkness blinds and the storms destroy.
I don’t write because there are cities and they make the world loud.
I don’t write because there are deserts and droughts and the world is filled with thirst.
I don’t write because there is death and graves, loneliness and hatred.
I don’t write because there is war and poverty and crime and oppression.

I write because life is joy, sorrow, and everything in between.
I want to write because others need to know.
I don’t write because they may not listen.

I write because we can hope and dream, love and serve, seek and find.
I want to write so others will hope and dream, love and serve, seek and find.
I don’t write because maybe they won’t.

I write because I started.
I want to write so I can finish.
I don’t write out of terror that I will not.

I write because I hope God has really gifted me.
I want to write because I don’t want to waste His gift.
I don’t write because maybe God didn’t.

I write to see what God will teach me.
I want to write because I grow in the process.
I don’t write because I am not listening.

I write because I feel as if I have something to say.
I want to write because others may have something to say.
I don’t write because I may not say it very well.

I write because I hope the story will show up.
I want to write because I believe there is a story.
I don’t write because there is no story.

I write because there are words.
I want to write to give the words life.
I don’t write because there are no words.

I write because writing is me and I am writing.
I want to write because I want to discover who I am.
I don’t write because I fear who I might be.

I write because others don’t.
I want to write because others can’t.
I don’t write because others do.

I write because I want to.
I want to write because I can.
I don’t write because I can’t.

Posted in Artistic Living | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

It is a Fallen World

Posted on September 7, 2012 by Jill English Johnston

Recently, my in-laws house was robbed.  My daughter, who was staying with them, almost walked in on the thieves in the midst of the robbery.  I am so thankful she did not.  But she did interrupt them, she also saw them taking off in their vehicle and provided the police with a description.  And she did walk in on the completely trashed house.

Dazed and overwhelmed, she explained to me what happened.  I could tell she was still in shock.  I could sense the many emotions that threatened to sweep over her.  She was upset.  Scared.  Freaked out, as she called it.  But I knew that anger would come.   Bitterness too.  Fear.  Frustration.  Loss.

As she recounted the event, waves of remembered emotions swept over me.   After the hurricane.   Seeing the mess, the destruction.  Feeling the anger, bitterness, fear, frustration, loss.

We seek in so any ways to give our lives a sense of order, we create an illusion of control, we have an expectation that things will be as they should be.

And in a moment the order can dissolve into chaos, the illusion of control is revealed and we discover that really, we have no control, and we realize that the unexpected will always happen and the world is definitely not as it should be.

It might be a hurricane.  Or cancer.  Or a fire.  Or a robbery.  Or a car accident.
Our world is interrupted.  Turned upside down.  Maybe even shattered.

Life provides the stuff that reminds us that this world is a fallen world.  That all is not as it should be.  Sin has taken its toll in more ways than we can ever comprehend.  We see evidence of it every day.  Sometimes the evidence is from far away.  Sometimes from way too close.

However, we can rest in the hope that life is not meant to be this way and that it will not always be this way.

While I definitely don’t understand the method, God has a plan.

His word tells us what to expect and what our responses should be.  It is not that He wants to minimize the painful times, only that we keep them in perspective, to remember this life is not all there is.

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
John 6:33

We’re not promised an easy life or that troubles will never come our way.  In fact, the opposite is true.   We are told troubles will come.  But Jesus has overcome the world.
Overcome?  What does that mean?
There must be something more, then.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5

We are promised that God will comfort us in our troubles.  Why?  So we can comfort others who are also going through troubles.  Is that it?  We have trouble so we can be comforted and then comfort others in trouble?  Is there any other reason?

… And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but wealso rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
Romans 5:2-4

That’s not all.  Interestingly, we’re not told to be happy when we get to live easy, trouble-free lives, but rather we are told to rejoice in our troubles because they have a purpose.  They develop perseverance and character and hope.  So when the thief comes…

The thief comes only steal, kill and destroy.  But I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
John 10:10

Indeed, the thief (or in this case, thieves) did come and did steal and did destroy.  But the bigger plan is that Jesus came.  And He came to give us life in abundance.
Even when our lives are stolen, or destroyed?

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.   But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Matthew 6:19-21

Yes, thieves break in and steal.  Hurricanes hit and destroy.  Cancer is diagnosed.  Car accidents happen.  But there is something more.  There is a place where treasures will not be stolen or destroyed.   And there is more.

…an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power…
1 Peter 1:4

There is an inheritance.  An inheritance that is imperishable.  So should we despair then when troubles, trials and sufferings come?

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:7-9

and in verse 16
Therefore we do not lose heart.

God provides us the power we need to not be crushed, in despair, struck down or destroyed.   In the midst of it all, we do not lose heart.

While I definitely don’t understand the method, God has a plan.
A plan that involves (but by no means is limited to):
Comfort.
Perseverance, character and hope.
Abundant life.
Treasure in heaven.
Imperishable inheritance.
Power.

Therefore, do not lose heart in this fallen world.

Posted in Abundant Living | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Every Day?

Posted on September 6, 2012 by Jill English Johnston

Writing… isn’t about getting it published; it’s about you and what God wants to do with you in your life.
Janice Elseheimer

I have always wanted to write a book, to see it on the shelf, to see it in the hands of someone who loves it, who is captivated by it, who is changed by it, as I have been with the great books in my life.

Remember that as a creative person, the important thing is to create.  Who sees what you make, where it goes and what it does is a secondary consideration; the first is to exercise the talent God has given you.
Franky Schemer

So rather than worry about who sees what I write, where it goes and what it does, I will instead create, using the talent God has given me, and allow Him to do with me what He desires to do.

Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:58

Yes I worry that it will all come to nothing.  But I know anything the Lord calls me to is for my good and His glory.   I read what I have written in the past, about experiences and events, and I know I have been changed because I have worked through them in writing.  And I have had the joy of others acknowledging and even being touched by what I have written.

You will never find time for anything.  If you want time, you must make it.
Charles Sixteen

Ah yes, so many years that I did not make time.  From raising a family, to a naval career, to church activities, to hobbies and interests, and to (especially to) distracting chores and tasks, they all demanded my time.   I think, however, that beneath the veneer of “not having the time” was a fear to begin and a fear to fail, so I failed to ever begin.  Until now.

Janice’s Time Management Resolutions:

  • I will set aside a specific time for my art every day
  • I will remind myself that productive artists have schedules and adhere to them
  • I will “go to the studio and make stuff” even when I am dry, frustrated and clueless as to what to do or where to begin.
  • I will not feel guilty about taking time to replenish my sensory reservoir.  I will consciously practice breathing in God’s inspiration and breathing out the expression of the artistic abilities He has given me.

Whew.  Now that I have a “studio” and more time than I have ever had before, I have to remember not to feel guilty or embarrassed about the time I take to replenish, to breath in and breathe out, to write.

Time is the coin of your life.  It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent.  Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.
Carl Sandburg

Oh so true.  My naval career definitely used up much of my “time coin,” however I am thankful that it has brought my husband and me to the place we are today.  I do wonder, though, what might have been and what would be…
But the coin has been spent and I cannot spend what I no longer have, only what is in my account today.

What must I say no to, in order to spend time writing?

  • I have discovered an interest in gardening.  Thankfully we purchased a home with a small yard, so I am limited to how much I can commit to.  We have planted a raised bed vegetable garden as well as an herb garden, along with various flowerbeds.  It is fun seeing things grow and enjoying the fruits of labor.  But it can consume much of my time, if I allow it.
  • I have also discovered an interest in painting.  Combining both my inspiration with Texas Wildflowers and recycling glass, I have been “playing around with” painting flowers on glass.  It is quite fun and turns out surprisingly well.  It could go somewhere… (even if only gifts for friends and family).  But it can consume much of my time, if I allow it.
  • For twenty-four years, I was blessed with a husband who enjoyed cooking and, since we both worked, he shouldered most of the cooking duties in our home.  While he still enjoys cooking, he is now a full time student and I am not.  So I have taken over most of the cooking duties.  Not one to do anything halfway, I dove into cookbooks and websites, experimenting with healthy and clean (less processed, more “natural” ingredients) recipes.  I enjoy the challenge and the fact that we eat more vegetables than ever before.  But it can consume much of my time, if I allow it.
  • I love the fact that now I have more time to participate in Bible study and prayer groups with other women.   I look forward to opportunities to disciple and mentor young women and provide encouragement and help to others in ministry activities in our church.  I know that God has called us all to be ministers and to take an active role in building the body of Christ.  And while it is all “good,” it can consume much of my time, if I allow it.

So there it is.

Every day I must set aside time to write, if I am to take this seriously.
Every day?  It seems like a lot.  And it may not always be practical.  But I must show up regularly, exercise the talent God has given me, and see what He wants to do with me.

Posted in Artistic Living | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Inspiration

Posted on September 5, 2012 by Jill English Johnston

Inspiration far more often comes during the work than before it because the largest part of the job of the artist is to listen to the work and to go where it tells him to go.
Madeleine L’Engle

I have not been inspired for quite some time,
however I am ready to listen and see where I will go

Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.
Proverbs 16:3

Lord, here I am.  My work is yours.  May it bless You.  May it point people to You.

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, le me sow love; where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.
Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Would that my writing be.  Would that my living be.
Would that all be poured out in offering that blesses another and blesses the Lord.

We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us.
1 Corinthians 2:12

What has the Father given to me?  To us?  He has blessed us with life, with love, with His Spirit, with gifts that should not be used for our own gain, but to bless another and to bless Him.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13

I will trust the Father to fill me with joy and peace that my writing my overflow with hope found in Him.

As I review The Creative Call by Janice Elsheimer, I found a date I recorded:
29 May, 2004.
This date confirms that I read and worked through the book pre-Katrina, which became one of a few definings point in my life.  As I read the book, I thought I was ready, I listened, I desired to write.  And I did.  But not in the way I expected.  Instead of novels and children’s stories, instead of even writing about a hurricane, I wrote in the midst of the hurricane (from the vantage point of fleeing); I wrote in the midst of uncertainty, of not knowing; I wrote in the aftermath and the rebuilding.  I wrote in a way I could not have unless I had experienced it.
I experienced something I had not expected (as often is the case in life).
Then I emailed what I wrote to friends and family, wanting to share with them the experience beyond the news.  And wanting to share with them what continued after the news cameras had moved on.

Two things I learned:

  1. Everyone has a story and everyone has a desire for his/her story to be heard.
  2. The story is not just about the event, but what happens after the event.

How might I bring together my desire to write and the stories that need to be told?

 

Posted in Artistic Living | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment